- Ice cream. No one argues with me about this one. It’s irrefutable.
- Pie. The only thing preventing this from taking the #1 spot is because there are a few pies that drag the whole category down (e.g., chocolate pudding pie, jello pie, Cool Whip pie)
- Brownies. (I’m counting blondies in this category, which I believe are usually superior to brownies.) This is what cake wishes it was. Very consistent. It wants to be paired with ice cream, but doesn’t need to be. Works as a dessert for breakfast and lunch. Everyone perks up when a plate of brownies comes out, which can’t be said for many desserts.
- Baklava. Lots of questions about this. All I can say is most people I know haven’t had much baklava, so I understand the confusion. After eating LOTS of it in Turkey, I was hooked. I encourage everyone to try some professionally made baklava whenever they get the chance. (It’s very hard to make at home.) Baklava fills the “special treat” dessert slot. You might only get baklava once or twice a year, and the likelihood that it’ll disappoint is low.
- Cookies. Most cookies are pretty good. Some are great. Cookies are a workhorse of a dessert. You don’t feel too guilty after eating a cookie, or even two. They work great for a lunchtime dessert and you can have them 7 days a week without ever getting sick of them.
- Pudding. Everyone says this is ranked too high, but I don’t think I’ve ever had bad pudding.
- Sweet breads (e.g., banana bread, cinnamon rolls). I really like this category because it overlaps so well with breakfast. Added value!!
- Cake. I get lots of shit for this being so low. Why? If you take an average of every piece of cake you’ve ever had, where 10 is the most delicious dessert you’ve ever had and 1 is a non-dessert imposter like fruit, cake comes in around a 3. Are there amazing cakes? Of course. Some are 10s. But most are boring and need ice cream to save them. How many times have you seen people leave their plate with a pile of frosting left behind that they can’t bring themselves to eat? In my experience, that happens eight of 10 times.
- Candy. I love candy but I almost never crave it.
- Frozen hand desserts (e.g., popsicles, mochi). Some are great, some are trash. Unfortunately the greats (like It’s-Its) aren’t good enough to counter-balance the super-boring garbage (frozen fruit juice on a stick).
- Foams (e.g., meringue, mousse). It exists, so it should be on the list but…
March 23, 2026
• 2 min read